


Won't Stop

by suchaehwa



Series: Clay Spenser- centric [3]
Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: #1 Shaky hands, 1, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Clay Spenser, Just emotional, Tumblr Prompt, Whumptober 2019, kind of, not a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 07:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20862401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchaehwa/pseuds/suchaehwa
Summary: Clay's hands won't stop shaking





	Won't Stop

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober is here!!! This might be a bit controversial but I wanted to write about it because they are military and they do controversial (but necessary) things.
> 
> Also sorry for not continuing my other fic, I'm working on it but I lost motivation for a while.

“Bravo six, sitrep” Jason’s voice sounds over the radio and Clay moves his left hand from his weapon to answer him, “all good boss, you’re clear to move”. He follows their movements with his scope for a second until they enter the target building and then he goes back to scanning the are and the surrounding buildings, it’s in the middle of the day because Mandy decided they couldn’t wait until nightfall and it’s making Clay antsy. Operating in the dark is slightly harder because their vision is limited, but one thing they have that the enemy does not is night vision. In the day they’re equals, and Clay hates it.

For every second he lies there on top of an old abandoned hotel he feels his body tense even more, something doesn’t feel right but Clay can’t exactly report a ‘bad feeling’ when he has nothing credible to walk on, besides, Sonny would have a field day with that.

A dog begins to bark angrily far down the street and Clay swiftly turns to the right and scans the area, at first, he sees nothing but the empty, destroyed street. But then he spots something, a boy no older than 14, and he’s running. Running straight towards his team. It takes him only a second to recognize the bulkiness under his shirt and the clenched fist and his body freezes over, _no no no no_ he thinks as he follows the boy with his scope. _Go back! Stop running! _He pleads but of course the boy can’t hear Clay’s inner monologue and continues running towards the building.

“Bravo one I got a kid running towards your location, looks to be strapped” he reports urgently and waits for instruction, logically he knows what to do but he won’t do it until he absolutely needs to. “Give him a warning,” Jason instructs, and Clay fires a shot not even a second after, it lands right before the boy’s feet and the dirt creates a cloud around his legs. He pauses for just a split second before he continues running, Clay fires another one. “Don’t make me do this, kid,” he mumbles to himself as he fires a third shot, this time nicking the kid’s foot. He falls heavily to the ground and grimaces as he holds his foot, Clay moves to radio it in when the kid gets up from the ground and continues running, slower, but still too fast.

He’s getting too close to the building and by the look on his face Clay can tell that the kid won’t have a change of heart anytime soon, Clay’s finger closes around the trigger and he breathes out heavily, “I’m sorry,” he whispers as he fires the final shot and hit’s the kid in the head. The red mist that flies away in the wind makes him sick to his stomach but it’s better than letting him slowly bleed out on the ground, this way, at least he died instantly. _But he shouldn’t be dead at all, he’s just a kid… _he thinks and removes his finger from the trigger. He keeps his eye on the scope and continues to scan the area but his finger rests on the weapon because his hand won’t stop shaking.

“TOC this is bravo one, passing jackpot,” Clay sighs in relief and keeps his eye on the front entrance until his team exits with Cerberus in the lead, they pass the kid on the street and Jason’s gaze flicks up to Clay’s position. “Pack up, kid, we’re going home.”

Clay quickly packs up everything and exits the old hotel out into the street, he keeps his gaze straight forward and tries to avoid looking at the kid, but as he passes him, he can’t help but throw him a glance. He regrets it immediately. The kid looks even younger up close and Clay almost feels like throwing up, there’s a halo of red around his head and the detonator lies useless a few centimeters from his hand, Clay can’t bear to look at him any longer and hastily makes his way to their vehicle where the rest are already seated. He avoids looking at Jason and Ray, can’t stand the thought that that boy could have been one of their kids, had the world been different. Turning his gaze out the window as they begin to drive out of town, he feels his hands shaking and tucks them under his legs like a kid, they don’t stop.

* * *

Sonny cracks a beer open and throws him an unopened one, he fumbles with the can before placing it on the bench next to him, his hands are shaking too much for him to open it. “Oh come on, we got the guy, now it’s time to celebrate,” Sonny says and raises his beer, Clay throws him a small smile and shakes his head. “Don’t really feel like drinking right now,” Sonny raises his brows and looks around, “y’all hearing this? The kid doesn’t feel like drinking he says.”

Lisa gives him a teasing smile and elbows him in the side, “we can’t all be raging alcoholics, Sonny,” the guys laugh as Sonny throws a hand over his heart in mock hurt. Opening a water bottle Lisa hands it over to Clay with a soft gaze, “have some, you’re looking a little dry there,” Clay takes the bottle from her hand but immediately realizes his mistake as the water begins to spill, he grabs his hand with the other but it makes no difference as they’re both shaking.

“Clay?” Lisa asks worriedly and he smiles weakly, “sorry,” he mumbles because he doesn’t know what else to say. “What’s going on?” he shakes his head and shrugs helplessly, “I don’t know,” he laughs pitifully and hands the bottle back to Lisa, “my hands won’t stop shaking,” he adds and swiftly Lisa is replaced by Trent.

“You feeling sick?” _yeah, sick of myself_ he thinks but if he says that they’ll never leave him alone, shaking his head he answers, “no.” Notably, Trent is not convinced, “are you hurt anywhere?” he questions and Clay sighs heavily, “no, I’m not hurt.”

It’s clear that Trent’s becoming exasperated by Clay’s short and fruitless answers, but he stays calm and asks, “anything happen out there?” Clay winces without realizing and shakes his head, he feels stupid for being like this. Killing people is, unfortunately, part of their job and it shouldn’t be affecting him like this. “That kid?” Jason voices and Clay’s gaze snaps to his boss who keeps his face blank, slowly Clay nods his head and bites his tongue. “you did what you had to,” Jason explains before taking a sip of his beer and Clay nods again, but it doesn’t stop his hands from shaking.

“I know,” he drags a shaking hand through his hair and laughs quietly to himself, he feels ridiculous, “I know that, I-I do. Dunno know what’s wrong with me…my hands won’t stop shaking.” Ray claps a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, “it’s not an easy thing to do, brother, but sometimes we have to. If you hadn’t taken that shot, we’d all be dead,” well, Clay can’t let _that _happen. It makes him feel a little better, and yet his hands won’t stop shaking.

“Trent, they won’t stop,” he doesn’t realize how much it sounds like he’s begging, doesn’t realize how scared he sounds, but Trent moves quickly and kneels in front of Clay, grabbing his shaking hands in his own. “They’ll stop eventually, kid, you just gotta wait it out.”

The rest of the men notice the way Trent’s hands begin to shake as well as he holds onto Clay’s and realize just how rattled Clay is by all of this. Brock pats Cerberus on the back towards Clay and the dog hurriedly runs to Clay’s side and rests his chin on Clay’s thigh. Clay smiles down at the dog but holds onto Trent’s hands, refusing to let go of the one person keeping him together. “Just wait it out kid…it’ll be over in a moment,” Trent murmurs and Clay believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
